ABANDONED...........

ABANDONED...........
by - Pratyush Raj Srivastava


“Dad how clear does this river looks”
“You want to swim”
“Yes dad”
“Go ahead”
I woke up with a start. I see this dream every time I am on the bed. I can never forget these moments. I had then rushed to the river only to find that my father was on his way back. For an hour or so I had not understood the complications of the actions of my father. Then light dawned on me. He had abandoned me.
I had stood there for an hour or so, and then I walked, walked towards nothing, walked away from the nothingness inside me.
My mother, well I had seen her once and she just did not respond to my happiness. She looked at me with great rage. My father had been the entire universe to me. He used to play with me, tell me stories of kings in Russia, told me everything I wanted to know, but he did not tell me one thing, he did not tell me that he’ll abandon me.But unlike all other girls of my age, I did not cry when he left me. I had never cried. Instead I thought of doing away with this pain in my head. My father and we were on a holiday. So I had no hope of returning back to Lucknow, and even if I did – what use was it really?
The shortest method of tracing a definite future leads me to a definite end. I had to commit suicide. My infant mind of nine years could not find any other “definite” result. I was near a river, so no hope of jumping from anywhere. I decided to climb my way up to the mountain that we had recently crossed.I still marvel at my effort. I had walked continuously for two days when I found a right place to end all my miseries. When I stood near the edge of the cliff I decided to cross the metal barrier and then jump. But my height did not help me. I decided to take assistance of bricks in this glorious deed. My search leads me to a kind of field. Two boys were playing there. Many bricks were kept near them and so when I was picking them a boy of about my own age came near me. He inquired of my identity and why was I collecting bricks from his playground. I don’t know why but I panicked and ran to the edge. Those two boys chased me and caught hold of me as I was about to jump. I don’t know what happened next.
When I woke up, I saw a pair of big oval eyes staring at me. He was the same boy, “Mom, she’s awake”. I was paralyzed with fear. Nothing made sense to me. Why I wasn’t dead was the looming question all over my infant brain. Then a woman entered the room. I had expected his mother to radiate the same amount of rage as my mother’s eyes does, but she was different. She, yes, she did smile at me. I still remember her first smile. Now I am accustomed to it but then it was like healing balm. She went out of the room again, and when she returned she came back with delicious dishes. I looked at the food and then towards her, not a single word was said. First, for the first time in my life I cried, and she hugged me. After maybe an hour or so of my consistent crying she told me that she’s my mother now. I started crying again. It’s silly how much I had cried that day but finally I stopped and then ate food like I was a pack animal. I had not eaten a morsel of food for past two or three days.
That woman, now my mother never asked me who I was, or which family did I belong to and I had never told her. Maybe she knows the story as she has to console me every night, whenever I see that dream.
That boy’s (now my brother) name is Amitosh and he cares about me. Although we are of the same age yet he treats me like a kid sister. And I adore him for doing that.
Living in this family had taught me a way to abandon all my fears, because I am no more the person who is abandoned.

THE END