Age and regrets

Age and regrets
By Pratyush Raj Srivastava

“I am sorry father, but….”
This sentence was good enough for me, and my guardian spirit to commit suicide. But then he wasn’t wrong either.
I am an IIT pass out, IIM gold medalist and twenty years back I was the vice-president at oracle, but now, I think nothing really matters, nothing but family – and I never gave importance to it , and I am cursing myself alone for it.
The day my son was borne, I wasn’t there with my family instead I was involved in a meeting. It was my entire fault. Yes, I was there with my wife after a day but then I wasn’t there when it was all important. I wasn’t there when I was needed the most. I was just not there.
I did try to cover up my faults later but then I was too late. Too late, to control my son – but he wasn’t wrong to disobey my commands. He was a bright student, a very bright student indeed, but then he was always like me, shy, quite, and very much focused. That was how I was when I was young.
Now, I understand how bad my parents would have felt when I had to come to California, they needed me then but I …. I wanted to grow. And I was wrong.
Family is very important, for the growth of young one; and I understand it now. My son had done nothing wrong in asking me to leave for an old-age home. I was, as per his wife’s opinion, just not worth her troubles. I believe I am being paid back the way I paid my parents.
The only thing to be proud of in my life remains my wife. I was in class 12th when I proposed to her. I still don’t know why she said ‘yes’ to someone like me but then I am not complaining. It was in the winters, the 5th of December when I said the three magical words, indeed I still remember that day. We married ten years later and we were strangely very much in love till then. I don’t know how she could bear with me, ‘coz I was usually late on dates and we would have a small fight after which I would say sorry a thousand times and then she would smile – slowly. I still cherish those moments. It brings a smile to my old and wrinkled face. I could die for her smile – but then she died before I could and left me alone – a broken old man.
Only if she was here, situations would have been better and far from worse. She commanded respect from everyone around her, unlike me who commands respect only from my colleagues. She would have not allowed my son to grow so much, and make the same mistake as I made. Only if she was here.
Instead of going to old age home I have decided to go to my wife’s, my love’s grave. I would wait for my life to end near her if not with her. Being near was always fun and still is and I will die where she is – but only if I was there when my son was borne, if only………….

The end

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