Hectic life

"Amitosh are you free in the evening."
I couldn't say 'no' to her, nor was i in any mood to say 'yes' either.

My 12th exams got over three weeks before and i had after a week's enjoyment brought back my mind from the parties and malls to my

study-desk. My IIT exams were approaching. The whole plethora of competitive exams were right on the threshhold of my house, just waiting for

their respective turns to ring the dorbell. And i wasn't about to give in to the pressure of exams. The hard work i will put in right now will

decide my future and my dream of becoming a game designer. i am confident of cracking JEE and if in any case i'll fail to make the grades then

definitely i will get admission in one of the better NIT's with my intended trade, computer science.

"Helloo, are you still immersed in your books?"
"Oh no, i was just working on my timetable - trying to extract time for you, my love."
"Really, i feel so much obliged, gosh... you really love the books more, don't you bookworm?"

I laughed. I wasn't about to say 'yes' to her; 'no' would certainly be commiting a personal hara-kiri.

"I was thinking of going to 'Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na', you'r coming Amitosh?"
"I heard it's a decent movie."
"Decent, you must be kidding me, i heard it's a wonderful and the hero, he's so cute."
'Cute - my heels dirt' I grumbled. I am not sure if she was really interested in the movie or if she was more interested in oogling at the

chocolate-faced hero on the big screen.

"The hero's fine, even the heroine looks fab."
"Nah, she aint that great."
"Don't be jealous, Istuti." I laughed. She sniggered.
"So, evening, Saharaganj."

I almost tried to kill myself by banging my head on the floor - but at the last moment, i controlled my emotions. A lot of my exam's syllabus

was still left. Thereso much to do. And there's never enough time. I feel pressured and hassled all day, everyday, 7 days a week.

There are just too many committments and all of them labelled 'urgent'. 'Wave Optics' beckoned me and so did Istuti. Which one was a priority

wasn't very clear.

"I'll pick you up at 6:00, the movie i guess will start at 6:30."
"This way we'll just be able to watch the movie; we won't be able to do windowshopping. Why don't you pick me up at 5:00?"

Girls are practically impossible. Sometimes i wonder if my best friend's policy is better than mine. He's got no contact with any girl and

devotes his full time on studies, while on the other hand i am continuously juggling with my girlfriends and studies. I understand that studies

are of prime imporatnce but the thought of spending time with Istuti also gives me a high.

"Sorry yaar, my exams are coming - i don't think i'll be able to manage more time out of the day." . There was a long pause from the other

side of the receiver.
"Now don't start sulking. Say something."
"How can a man be such a big book-worm?", I chuckled.
"Deal be ready by 6:00, and please this time just for a change try and be on time."
"It's not me, it's you who's always late." she quipped and i laughed.
"Take care honey, love you."
"Love you too."
"Love you three.", i laughed and rushed to my study table - time was less and the syllabus left was more. I only wished that if there were

more number of hours available to me in a day the how good will that be. I wouldn't compromise on my study and possibly for all the wrong

reasons i'll be able to spend more time with my love.

I picked up my HC Verma book and after few seconds of deliberation, i immersed myself in studies. There's still time left for my date, and i

was going to live every second of my life to the extreme.


The End

realization

istuti wondered whether beauty really lied in the eyes of the admirer. if i did then why did only one man out of the crowd of million can identify her real beauty.she looked in the mirror and saw herself as she has always been, as she could always remember herself to be like . since she became concious of herself and other people around herself she remembered herself as a bright student, a good and obedient girl who obeyed all her seniors wishes and studied hard to be known and seen as a smart and intelligent girl. all she could think of from her chilhood was books and good books and some more books.in the mirror she saw a girl, with eyes that were intentionally dwarfed by the big glasses that she donned. her hair was nicely oiled and combedand sticking perfectly with the base of her skull. there was nothing that was uneven, nothing out of place yet nobody or perhaps no boy ever took any interest in heror more importantly never took pains to talk to her. she thought of the boys as some notorious creatures similar to monkeys though she never made any effort to interact either. she was afraid of using cosmetics that her friends used liberally, afraid that it might make her look quite unlike herself.it wasnt that she was very bad looking either - she just happened not to show much significant signs of womahood, signs which pulled boys towards her friends, but she never wanted to talk to boys, she believed in simple living. she believed that one must be content with the skin that god gave us and so she shunned all kind of cosmetics.she took out her big magnifying glasses and for some moments she couldnt recognise herself. it was hazy - but soon the mist in front of her eyes cleared. she took out her hairpin and let her hair fall to her shoulders.few hours back, she was returning from college in local bus when she met a boy - almost the same age. he came and occupied the vacant seat next to her. he looked at her and she looked away.
"what makes you think that you are beautiful enough for me to stare at you.", that boy retorted sarcastically.istuti looked at him - he smiled."OK, so you are the book-worm type.""no.""no,no its notyour problem - i believe you cant help it - being studious, 4 eyes are definitely an added advantage, dont you say.""excuse me, Mr. do i know you.""ofcourse you dont, but does that really matter."he smiled without looking at her." you mustn't be having any boy-friend either, do you."his comments hurt like daggers in istuti's heart but she didnt show it on her face."you are not that bad either, its just your attitude, your being a four-eyed genious and that oil on your head, and not to forget the books - i guess, but ofcourse you cant help it. can you?"the bus topped and he sttod up. he smiled and put his hand out but she was too numb to realise that she had to shake it as well. he didnt mind it either.she looked at her face - without her glasses and with her hairs all messed up." i am not that bad, am i" she smiled at herself. she picked up the lipstick from the table. she felt better.


the end...........

behind closed doors......

the raindrops pelted down on my bare head, slided down crossing several turns to finally reach my lips. were the raindrops salty or was it the taste of my own tears. i didnt knew, nor did i give any thought to it. i continued my lonely walk. i had reached the twin karpa hill, and in a few more minutes i would be near the NDA boundary and if everything goes as per plan then i would run away from this god-forsaken place.
few moments later i was able to see the boundary, jutting out from the ground out of nowhere. i had already seen this place when i was learning map-reading from my seniors for my greenhorn camp. they had told me that a road is there 4 km out of the academy which leads to pune city.
i touched the boundary, looked up and saw no wire-mesh. soon i had climbed up the wall and looked down. the boundary was on top of a steep climb. i should have chosen a more suitable place but it really didnt matter.
i swung one leg out of the academy and one leg inside. it wasnt merely raining now- it was pelting. i was soaked to the inside of my skin, and i preferred it that way.
i just had to take one step and i would be out of the academy, but the repercussions would be severe - but not as severe as my staying in academy. i really wanted to escape out of the academy, i had started considering the defence life as a mousetrap - once u get struck, there aint no way out,you get trapped for bloddy twenty years. and what do you get after this long service, barely anything more than respect. i for one, dont give a dime to this so called respect - i would in fact prefer a much more lavish life - in which ill have to compete with the rest of the world and live a life full of competition, full of money and would prefer to live my life as per my own decisions.
i thought of my parents, they have tremendous faith in me and since i got selected, i had seen a visible change in their lifestyle, their attitude. they take enormous pride in the fact that i am about to serve the nation. how would they feel if i suddenly reached home and told them that i had run-away from the academy. possibly on my face they wouldnt blame me but it would really be disheartning for them.
but i really miss my parents here in the academy, i miss their talks, i miss their yelling, i miss the food but most of all i miss their love. i guess if i will run away from the academy then ill be closer to my family. i bet theyll never understand what it is to be trapped; to be behind closed doors with no means of communication - unable to convey my feelings to anyone; let alone myself. sometimes i dont even get to know my feelings, i dont get time enough to do that.
its not like i cant communicate, i can contact my family once a week, but i cant convey my feelings to them, cant tell them how it feels like to live in a burning hell, cant tell them that i want to leave the academy, because if i do then they would spent most of the time wondering what i ma going through. i dont want to make their life miserable. ii cant even think of giving them any cause for sorrow, even unintentionally. but i dont want to stay in the academy either.
i still remember my mother advising me not to go to NDA, but i was adamant - i wanted to fly a su-30. i cant blame anyone for the mess that i am in - people tried to talk me out of this.
what would i say to my parents if i ran away - what would i do? it was my decisions to come here and i dont want my family to mourn because of my one decision. i am trapped in here behind closed doors and i dont know whether to escape this prison or...........
i landed on my feet, and started running, running towards nothing, running away from the nothingness inside me. i didnt even realize when i crossed karpa hill and reached my squadron. the umbilical cord connecting me with my family has been stretched to its limit and i guess reducing its length might actually break it - so i prefer it that way.
the end..............

The girl outside the window

The girl outside the windowby - pratyush raj srivastava
He felt the dark rainy clouds move in, felt the wind hit his face with its full fury. he could smell the coming rain. Amitosh put his palms on the window in his room and rested his face nicely in the middle of his palms. He closed his eyes.
He could feel her somewhere outside in one of the shops, listened to her converse with men – though he couldn’t decipher what she was saying but he was sure she was beautiful – she had a beautiful voice.
It started raining, the wind that was playing havoc with his hairs – slowly ceased to be caught up in one of the turns of his hairs. The rain belted down heavily on the window pain somewhere above his flat and water dripped from the above window pane. Some drops of which fell on his head. He felt good. In fact he had never felt better.
He stretched one of his palms outside to feel the speed of the rain – but in an instant took it back. It was hammering outside – like bullets ready to pierce his hands into countless many parts.
The murmur slowly subsided down yet that unmistakable voice of that beautiful lady still reached his ears. His experience told him that by this time water would have accumulated on the road and he had a feeling that if that rain didn’t stop then in no time it would submerge his apartment. Though something told him it wasn’t practically possible – but he really wished it would happen.
“Anuj”, he shouted.“coming”, came a voice from one of the rooms and he heard the chair to slide mercilessly on the floor. He felt relaxed. He was never sure of his younger brother. Sometimes he thought that his brother was ignoring his calls even when he was in his room, but in other times – he would come running. He adored his brother. Somebody kept a hand on his shoulder.
“What happened, bhaiya?”, Anuj asked.Amitosh smiled.” Its raining heavily isn’t it”.“yes bhaiya”.
‘how should I ask him’, was the question that rang periodically in Amitosh’s head. He wanted to know what his brother thought about that beautiful girl somewhere outside on the road.
“Can you see the beautiful girl standing down on the road”.
Anuj looked hard through the blur of rain which obstructed his view. He could see two girls standing under the shade of a tea-shop chatting with each other.
“Which one, left one or the one on the right”.“Listen and you will hear her voice. She has a great voice.”
Anuj was amazed because this was the first time his brother had shown any kind of interest in a girl. He tried hard to listen to what they were saying, but to no avail. He saw a woman who had a very young child tied to her back with the help of her sari. She was asking for money from the passerby’s who had taken temporary shelter during the rain.
“Can you see the person who just spoke”, Amitosh said excitedly.
Anuj looked at the woman with the child on her back. Her voice was clear and lucid.
Anuj’s eyes welled up – he couldn’t speak any more, he had no words to tell his blind elder brother that……………
The End