The girl outside the windowby - pratyush raj srivastava
He felt the dark rainy clouds move in, felt the wind hit his face with its full fury. he could smell the coming rain. Amitosh put his palms on the window in his room and rested his face nicely in the middle of his palms. He closed his eyes.
He could feel her somewhere outside in one of the shops, listened to her converse with men – though he couldn’t decipher what she was saying but he was sure she was beautiful – she had a beautiful voice.
It started raining, the wind that was playing havoc with his hairs – slowly ceased to be caught up in one of the turns of his hairs. The rain belted down heavily on the window pain somewhere above his flat and water dripped from the above window pane. Some drops of which fell on his head. He felt good. In fact he had never felt better.
He stretched one of his palms outside to feel the speed of the rain – but in an instant took it back. It was hammering outside – like bullets ready to pierce his hands into countless many parts.
The murmur slowly subsided down yet that unmistakable voice of that beautiful lady still reached his ears. His experience told him that by this time water would have accumulated on the road and he had a feeling that if that rain didn’t stop then in no time it would submerge his apartment. Though something told him it wasn’t practically possible – but he really wished it would happen.
“Anuj”, he shouted.“coming”, came a voice from one of the rooms and he heard the chair to slide mercilessly on the floor. He felt relaxed. He was never sure of his younger brother. Sometimes he thought that his brother was ignoring his calls even when he was in his room, but in other times – he would come running. He adored his brother. Somebody kept a hand on his shoulder.
“What happened, bhaiya?”, Anuj asked.Amitosh smiled.” Its raining heavily isn’t it”.“yes bhaiya”.
‘how should I ask him’, was the question that rang periodically in Amitosh’s head. He wanted to know what his brother thought about that beautiful girl somewhere outside on the road.
“Can you see the beautiful girl standing down on the road”.
Anuj looked hard through the blur of rain which obstructed his view. He could see two girls standing under the shade of a tea-shop chatting with each other.
“Which one, left one or the one on the right”.“Listen and you will hear her voice. She has a great voice.”
Anuj was amazed because this was the first time his brother had shown any kind of interest in a girl. He tried hard to listen to what they were saying, but to no avail. He saw a woman who had a very young child tied to her back with the help of her sari. She was asking for money from the passerby’s who had taken temporary shelter during the rain.
“Can you see the person who just spoke”, Amitosh said excitedly.
Anuj looked at the woman with the child on her back. Her voice was clear and lucid.
Anuj’s eyes welled up – he couldn’t speak any more, he had no words to tell his blind elder brother that……………
The End
3 comments:
Beautiful dude... the story is really very good. Though if you really want a critics take, then I came across a coupel of things-
1)A couple of grammatical errors, but thats acceptable.
2)Suspense is missing. I mean Amitosh is not capable of seeing, but you could have tried to maintain that suspense a bit longer I suppose.
Otherwise, its awesome. Keep it up.
boss kya baat; akhtar bante ja rahe ho,
i lik uor all stories, but i liked "The Girl...." and "Static India" most.
just keep it up dude.......
thanx pratyush anad and balboa...for going thru it.............
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